Aliens versus red dwarf
by Skijarama
Summary: a dimension travelling ship from the colonial marines is discovered by red dwarf, three million years from earth. and when the crew brings a facehugger on board by accident, things can only get 'intresting'... feedback is accepted.
1. Chapter 1

**ALIENS ****vs ****RED DWARF**

**CHAPTER 1**

Lister lay in his bunk. reading his magazine. not much in it. just the qualities of ants, motorcycle catalogs. he simply couldn't find much in the entertainmentcabinets inside his prison cell. He looked down at rimmer. who was sound asleep. "hmm. this motorcycle, it says it Can go over 190 miles per hour. that's unreal you know?" rimmer snorted and looked up at the outdentation of Lister's butt in the bunk. "Lister. what time is it?" he asked. Lister looked at his wrist watch.

"five fifty five why?" Lister replied. rimmer sighed and rolled over.

"Oh nothing. its just that i am used to waking up at seven. not waking up to the shape of you're black hole of a butt at five in the morning." rimmer said a she slid out of bed. Lister was disgusted. "My but is not that big!" he said.

"Have you ever looked at it? its bigger then the Himalayas." Rimmer sat down at the table. Lister grumbled and looked more at his motorcycle catalog. After a few minutes of silence. "a talking motorcycle? like a talking toaster wasn't bad enough. that thing would want you to drive all of the time wouldn't it?" Lister asked.

"oh you mean talkie toaster? that annoying prat we found in a million pieces down in the cargo bay?" Rimmer asked. "they fixed him you know. he's lonely now in you're quarters. or former quarters." rimmerwalked to the entertainment cabinet. there, he found a chess set. all of the squares were painted different, and it said beneath it 'button board'. Rimmer scoffed and dumped it in the basket. After a few more minutes, Lister got bored and headed over to the pipe, spoon in hand. "you're not gonna call bob again are you? breakfast isn't til seven thirty." rimmer said as he found a book on boots. he sat down and began to read. Lister tapped in a code. a reply came, and he replied to that. the exchange wenton before bob the scutter came down through the vent. "yes." Lister ran up and took some chicken vindaloos, and poppadoms from the scutter. it made some noises and retreated.

"my god. you are that adicted..." Rimmer rubbed his nose and kept reading. lister stuffed himself.

--

A number of people were at the bridge. consuls bleeping. hollister walked around the bridge. almost nothing was happening at this point. "hollister sir?" one of the officers said. hollister walked up. "what?" he asked with a yawn.

"we just picked up a signal from the planet we passed a few days ago. distress." the officer said. hollister rubbed his fat chin. "Patch it through holly." hollistersaid. Sound came over the bridge. the sound of firing pulse rifles, shrieks from inhuman creatures, and screams of fear and agony. "_this is the Colonial marines ship, the predator! we are under attack! xenomorphs have flooded the ship! we cant fend them of--------AAAHHHH!!!!----"_the transimission died. hollister seemed to be mildly concerned. "how old is that signal?" he asked.

"about.. 12 years." the officer replied. hollister nodded. "bring us back to that planet. assemble the canaries."

"yes sir."

--

Rimmer was trying to ignore Lister. Lister had been blabbing for about 25 minutes now. "so you see rimmer," he continued. "the polymorph had taken you're anger, my fear, krytens guilt, and the cats vanity." Rimmer was wigging out. he had been listening to this outrageously detailed story about the polymorph for 25 minutes. 'we went down and we-"

"shut up!" rimmer said at last. Lister looked at him surprised. the door suddenly opened. a guard came through. "canary assembly. be there In 10 minutes." the guard sad. he was fairly tall, with back skin, and no hair. Lister was dashing for his uniform and putting it on. the yellow and black suit fit perfectly. "um. sir? whats this meeting about?" rimmer asked.

"canary Assembly. be there In ten minutes." the guard repeated. and left. rimmer quickly got into his uniform and followed Lister.

--

Ackerman looked down at the canaries. 20 had been assigned to this mission. "you have all been called here for a mission...maggots. the captain himself will be giving the briefing." Ackermanstepped aside and hollisterwalked up. "From the planet we passed a few days ago, we detected a distress signal from a none space-corp vessel. the predator. a colonial marines ship apparently. they said something about a 'xenomorph'. you all, are going to go down there and investigate the disappearance of the crew. it is fairly old, 12 years, so i advise caution. and you might just have to use those guns of yours for once. that is all." hollister said. Kill crazy suddenly freaked. "LETS GO KILL SOMETHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" he screamed like no there first mission. Everyone filtered out.

--

the canary ship came down and landed not far form the ship. the ground around it was covered in an ancient black chitin. Lister took point of his group. the ships halls were a silvery color. or would be if the chitin wasnton them. Lights flickered on and off. kill crazy seemed to be rather enjoying himself. "finally, we'll get to kill something." rimmer opened his mouth to speak, hesitated. and spoke. "we killed that giant tentacle monster back on that ocean moon remember? the big purple one that covered Lister in the green slime?" Lister glowered at Rimmerfor reminding him of that ratherundignified event. Kochanski grumbled. "now stay together everyone, we don't want to die in here." kryten said.

"If any of us dies, then life might just become a bit more sane around here." Kochanskisaid. She suddenly showed her light over the wall, and jumped back, screaming briefly. Lister aimed his rifle. there was a skeleton in the chitin. "whatever did this? whatever did, they'll enjoy my rifle! Heheyes!!" Kill crazy said happily. Lister rolled his eyes and kept going down the hall.

--

they eventually came to a large chamber. there was a box in the middle. Kryten ran the psy-scan over it. "extraordinary! there's a life form in here! he said. Lister looked the box over. "we should take it back to red dwarf. they can examine it further there." kochanski said. Cat suddenly sniffed the air. "there's something in here." he said.

"are you referring to me!?" Backster asked as he came up behind the cat. cat quickly walked away from the fat man. he activated the light on his gun, and shined it forwards. there was an exo-skeletal creature there. but it was dead. several bullet holes were In its head. Cat picked it up and opened its mouth. he saw another mouth inside. the creature was black as tar, and it had pipes coming out of its back, its body was exo-skeletal. Kill crazy suddenly smiled, and pushed cat aside. He lifted the dead monster up. "so...this is a xenomorph!? lets go find some of em! i want to fight em!!!"

"crazy man you'll just die! you know that these things wiped out this whole ship!" Kryten said.

"so what? i am more then a ship! I'm as big as a sun!" Crazy said. He punched the xenomorphs body. and it fell away form him. he smirked at the thought of fighting one of these for real. "come on blokes. lets get out of here." Lister said. they headed back for the ship.

--

"do you think this is gonna be a bad mistake?" kochanski asked as the ship flew back towards red dwarf.

"i dunno. maybe theres a beutiful women in that box." cat said.

"doubtful," rimmerbegan. "that thing is much to Small for anything smaller then a bird eater spider to fit inside." he finished. they made it back safe and sound.

--

Lister walked up to his bunk and flopped down on it. Rimmer set down his pack and got out of his uniform. "well listey. there are aliens in this world." rimmer said.

"there is a whole Galaxy out there rimmer. of course there are aliens." Lister said. he lay back on his bunk. rimmer turnendd over and fell asleep. but Lister couldn't help but feel nervous about the box they had broughtonboard.


	2. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER 2**

It had been about two days, and Lister was allowed his right to visit the science lab as a guard. it was a boring job, but kryten was helping with the study of whatever was inside the box. the science lab was a medium sized room, with the typical floors, walls, and roof of red dwarf. but it had a Cyan hue to it. no doubt form the lights overhead. Lister looked at the box carefully. it had under the Orange W sign, the words. "weyland-yutani-corporation." Lister said. "what the smeg does that mean?"

Kryten shined his scanner over the box and pressed a few buttons. "it is apparently, a company. that ship we found had dimensional travel under its belt. they must have jumped to this dimension, to request for help from whatever life they could find, and wound up here." Kryten explained as the life reader bleeped. Lister stroked the box with his hand. one of the other scientists slapped his hand away and inserted a needle through a small opening gin the box. there was a sudden slight shreak, and she retracted the needle. "wha?" the scientist started.

"the smeg?" Lister looked through the hole. there was something meaty inside. Lister shrugged. "well. whatever it is. opening that box might not be smart."

"finally," the scientist started as she put the small piece of the box back. "you said something intelligent." Lister was offended at this.

"Are you insinuating that I'm stupid?" He asked.

"would've fooled me." she said, and dusted the box off a bit. Lister checked his watch. it was time for him to return to his cell. "see ya krytes. see ya miss." and her left the room.

----

Lister walked up to his cell. the guard let him through. "how was guard duty?" Rimmer asked as he flipped through his hard cover red book.

"another day, no pennies." Lister sat down and rimmer seemed to lose all interest Rather suddenly. Lister looked him in the face. he was focusing on his book. Lister looked at him. "whatcha thinking?" He asked.

"why would they leave me in a cell with you? the most hideous slob, law-defying, tasteless, grossed out slime ball of a human being? why i ask them? and why god?" Rimmer flipped the page and focused.

"i am not. i only have two taste budds that work sure, but i am no-" there came the sound of a scutter form the vent. Lister ran up and grabbed his poppadom from bob. he put it in his mouth and swallowed. rimmer grumbled and got back to his book. Lister grumbled and turned in his chair. Lister then looked up as the blooping noise of holly came around. "what does he want?" He asked. he pushed a button on is wrist watch, and holly appeared on the screen. "whats happening dudes?" he asked.

"not much. lister just smuggled in another poppadom is all." rimmer said with a slight grinn. lister looked at him and turned to holly. "so? what is it?"

"if i may suggest getting into you;'re bunk, and putting you're head between you're legs." he said.

"why is that?" rimmer asked as he put his book down.

"you're sure you want to know the answer to that?" holly asked.

Lister grumbled. "what is it Holly?" holly then smiled, and said." you're about to get showered."

Lister seemed surprised. "i what?" rimmer chuckled.

"you too Arnold." holly said. rimmer still looked half decent. "by meteors." Holly said calmly. rimmers face suddenly turned to a look of shear terror. "a meteor storm!!?!"

"no. a meteor shower." holly said. Lister darted form his chair and lay on his bunk. Rimmer jumped into his and lay still. Holly shook his head and disappeared. the ship began shaking. meteors were indeed pelting its hull. flames poured out of a few parts of it as meteors managed to break through. adding to red dwarfs rock collection. Lister almost threw up his poppadom. Rimmer made a slight squeaky noise.

--

**THE SCIENCE LAB-**

the science officer was currently on her bunk, the shaking was now here near as strong here. for this was in the inner areas of the ship. she was actually reading a book. from outside her room in the lab, (yes, she lived there) she heard a crashing sound. she put her book down and looked out of her quarters. she saw the box had fallen off the table, and the lid had come off. and there was a fleshy egg inside. it opened. she gasped as a spider like creature crawled out of it. It suddenly darted at her. She slammed her door shut, but the creature broke through it, flying for her face. she grabbed it and held it at bay. it wrapped its long tail round her neck and pulled itself for her face. she was choking now, she couldn't call for help. soon, she lost consciousness, and her hands slipped away form the creature. it latched on.

--

24 hours later, the shower had subsided. Lister clambered out of his bunk and rubbed his brow. he had a serious headache for no sleeping. holly appeared. "how was it?"

"horrible!" Lister said a she sat down. rimmer slowly slid out of his bunk. "my............crotch..." he said slowly. Rimmer had had somehting fall on is crotch while he was laying there. it came form the vents...it was bob actually. Lister had his first meal and proceeded to the science lab. (recently the Canaries had been given More then normal assignments. stuff like guarding was now available)

--

when he walked inside with kryten, the box was on the ground, and the science officer was unconscious, lying against her bed. a spider-like creature lay dead next to her. Kryten rushed forwards and scanned her. "alive. but theres more then one life sign." he said. Lister looked at her. he eyes slowly opened. "what happened?" she asked.

"you have something gin you're chest. its alive." Kryten said. Lister looked to the door as Kochanski walked in. she saw what was happening and ran up. the women's breath began to accelerate. "mum? Are you alright?" kryten asked. she suddenly screamed loudly. and her chest distended! blood splatted out from the same spot. she screamed Even more and suddenly was silenced. a small, larval creature slowly wriggled from her. everyone was too in shock to do anything. it shrieked and dashed through a vent. Lister looked up at the others. "smeg..." he said.


	3. Chapter 3

**CHAPTER 3**

Every single canary, was currently gathered in the tank. that was over 200 people. Mr. ackermen looked over all of them with the warmest hatred. there was a general mutter of why they were there. finally, hollister walked in. "alright canaries!" he shouted. they all looked to him. "now look. we know when, how, and why...we have an alien form on board. translated in another language that means Xenomorph." he began. "Why? on your last mission you brought back a crate. which had some sort of egg in it. and during the meteor shower, it was sent loose. it infected one of the science staff with an egg. and she died when it burst form her chest." he began to walk along the walkway. "it was 48 hours ago that it came on board. and from the data we picked yup from the predator we can only assume it is extremely dangerous."

"so..you mean...?" Kill crazy looked to hollister.

"yes kill crazy. you are gonna get to kill something..." hollister said, rubbing his forehead. crazy gave a scream of joy. "ok. i want all of you to split into groups of five, choose a deck. and search it top to bottom for the xenomorph. we don't really know what you are up against. grab whatever you need form the armory and move out." hollister turned and walked away.

--

Lister was armed with a basic assault rifle with basic rounds. cat had two pistols, kryten had 1 pistol. Kochanski had a shotgun, and rimmer grabbed himself a rifle as well. no bazukoids were allowed to the canaries. Lister faced his group. "alright guys. looks like, its time to get serious." he began.

"what do you mean lister?" immer asked.

"what i mean is that all of this weird stuff we've been doing these past years, no more! its time to use our brains, and act like real men!" Lister said.

"sir?" kryten said. "do you realy think that is a GOOD idea?" Lister gave him a light crack with his mid knuckle. kryten bobbed slightly but was un-effected. "Dave's right." kochanski said. "if we're going to live through this we need to think."

"think? pfft. i don't think anyone here had ever thought of anything, except for me of course." cat said. Lister grumbled and they headed for there destination on G deck.

--

On F deck kill crazies group was patrolling. Kill crazy was so energetic that he was jiggling. "crazy, calm down. it'll show itself soon enough." backster said a she aimed his flamethrower around. "i jsut cant wait! to fight with a real Alien! the mere thought makes you anxious and excited doesnt it!?" Kill crazy said with glee as he turned the safety off his gun.

"yes it does...and i know to be patient for it to show up." backster said. Kil crazy simply grinned as they rounded a corner.

"but jsut the thought! it makes my blood pump!" he turned to face backster, and the smile faded. backster was gone. there was a bit of racket up above. kill crazy looked up. he suddenly heard backster scream in agony as a showe rof blood covered crazy and his group. "BACKSTER!!!!" kill crazy shouted. a black, exo-skeletal creature landed infront of him, its claws dripping with blood. backster hit the ground behind it, ripped up. Kill crazy stare din shock as the creatures tail whipped for his head. He ducked nd opened fire. the bullet sbounce doff harmlessly and the creature charged him. he jogged back as the rest of his team fired. He fired a shot into its elongaded head. it shrieked and jumped on him. He saw its mouth open and the secondary mouth lash for him. he screamed, and saw no kmore.

--

Listers comm phone was reaking the screams of group five, and the shrieks of some creature. Lister trie dto talk to them. "this is group 12, whats you're status?" he asked.

_"Oh my god! jenric! look out! OH GOD! NO! AAAHHHG!!!!!!!!!!!!"_Static filled the headphones. all of the canaries were currently equipped with green objective lenses. they wer eheld infront of his eye and displayed objectivs. it was constantly updated. "group 5? you there?" there was no responce. Lister cursed. "kryten you have contact with command?"

"yes?" kryten said.

"can you inform them that we've lost group five?" he ased. kryten nodded and relayed the info. he looked at lister. "well?" cat asked.

"he says they've also lost contact with group 3." kryten said. "smeggin hell." lister looked down the hall. "group 12? something is headed straight for you! advice caution!" the sound came over the comm. liste rnodded.

"yes sir." he said. "prey tell, why we ar ein a group of only five? that thing whateve rit is...just killed 10 people!" tmmer said in his typical cowardly way.

"shut up..." Kochanski said. Kryten came to a stop as the psy-scan began to bleep. "its here!" he said. liste rlooked at him. a black spiked tail shot out of the darkness of a wall vent, and went straight through krytens back! "kryten!" lister fired a few shots into the vent. he heard a shriek and kryten was pulled against it. two clawed hands gripped him, and ripped him in half! the xneomorph scramble dout of the vent and jumped at cat! he fired a few quick shots, andf did no damage. the xenomorph clawed a thim, and took a large chunk of his shoulder out! rimmer fired blindly, only hitting it once or twice. it snarled and jumped up through a roof vent. Liste ran up to kryten. he was offline. "come on! we gottas get them to medical!" lister hefts krytens parts on his shoulders and jogged down the corridor. rimmer, and kochanski, helped the cat along.


	4. Chapter 4

**CHAPTER 4**

it had been almost 24 hours since they fell back to the tank. kryten was still undergoing repairs, but he was almost had listened to the reports of severa men. they wer eall the same. "we never saw it comming, it just burst out of nowhere! kille dall my men! i was the only survivor!" in hollisters mind, he should just send them in and dismiss them instantly. he was getting tired of hearing the same B.S for so long. finally, it was listers turn. he walke din and did his typical salute. a raised hand. "whaddysa got?" hollister asked.

"sir, it kicke dour asses." lister said. hollister rubbed his forhead.

"anything else?" hollister asked impatiently.

"it was black sir." lister said.

"anything, i HAVENT heard?" Hollister demanded.

"uuum..." lister stood still. "my bullets did nothing." He said after a moment. hollister grumbled. "dismissed lister."

"sir. our rounds are useless. we need something bigger. i like bazukoids." Lister said.

"Lister, dismissed. i already know you're round sdont do anything." Liste rnodded, waved by. and walked out. hollister grumbled as the enxt idiot came in. as soon as he blurted out, "sir-" holliste rreplied with.

"i already know. dismisssed." the troop saluted and left.

--

Lister watche dht esparks fly from krytens torso as kochanski ran her tool across the ripped area. "how much longer?" lister asked.

"at this rate?...10 more minutes. Kochanski said as she put a wire back inot place, and ran her tool accross again, slowly reconnecting kryten to his legs. "how are we gonna deal with that thing?" rimmer asked as he looke dover hsi rifle. he kne wit wa suseless against the creature.

"We dont know yet rimmer. hopefully hollister will let us use Bazukoids." lister said.

"yeah! thats what i wanna shoot stuff with." cat said. Lister looked to kryten. his face was frozen in a look of fear. "almost got it..." kochanski said. Lister nodded. Krytens legs and torso were fused together again. she grabbed his head and inserted it into its socket. "OH M GOD! OTS GOING TO KILL US!!!" Kryten shouted.

"talk about delayed reactions...its ok kryten. were safe for now." listewr said, patting krytens shoulder. "How do you feel?" rimemr asked.

"residual fear..." kryten said as he patted his mechanical chest. The door to the room opened, and a canary came in. "come on, the briefing is about to start." he said. they all stood and exited the room.

--

holliste rlooked down at all of the canaries. "ok. we understand now tha tour norml round sdont do anything... so w ehave decided to give you all full access to red dwarfs maximum armory. tha tincludes armor piercing rounds, and Bazukoids." hollister announced. "also, you will also be travelling in groups of ten from now on. keep constant radio contact, and keep calm. if you panic you are doomed to get killed. now then, go get you're gear." the canaries rushed for the armory. Liste rfound a bazukoid. he grabbe dit and a few re-loads. Rimme rgrabbed himself a machine gun with armor piercing rounds. cat, and kryten also grabbed bazukoids. whilse kochanski grabbed a shotgun. Lister: allright! lets go." they returned to the tank for the res tof the briefig.

holliste rlooked down at the canaries as they re-assembled with allot of better guns. "ok. objectives are same as before. find it, and kill it. we cant afford for it to do any more damage. ge tout therel, and eradicate it! the canaries all nodded and filtered out. Lister led his group to J deck.

--

The stench of waste disposal radiated throughout the area. "damn...this stinks!" Burton said. he caried a bazukoid, and he odly resembled backster. except he actually had a senc eof honor, and was polite t fellow cell mates. anyone who wasnt a prisone rwas a good excuse for his fist. Lister swung to the left, climbing the stairs. "remember, when you see it, fire. set the bazukoids to heat seeker." there was a general cocking of guns. "when it appears, just shoot near it...the heat seeking tech will chase it to the end of oblivion and back." Lister said.

"thats a long ways sir." kryten said. As they came u the stairs, Cat steppe din something. he looked down. it was black chitin. He lifted his flashlight, which showed ht ewalls covered in black chitin. People were attache dto the walls. Lister walked up to one of them. he wa sshivering with terror, and pain. "kill.....me..." he mumbled.

"its ok. you'll be fine. were gonna get you all out of here!" Lister said. he grabbed the chitin and pulled. it wouldnt budge. the boy looked at him with terrior and agony. "please...kill me now..." He pleaded. lister still couldnt get the chitin to move. the boy suddenly lurched, and his chest destended. Lister aimed his bazukoid. the boy screamed as his chest was rippe dopen, and a chestburste rhsowed itself! Lister ylled and fired his bazukoid into it! It explode din acid. Liste rthen noticed that the walls began to move! he heard burton scream and the sound of rending flesh! Lister whirled, and two xenomorphs had him pined! three more jumpe ddown from the walls! Lister yipped and fired his bazukoid into one of them! it took some damage and shrieked. its acid covered burtons head. Machine gun fire echod as shots began to fly.

three nmore people fell in a matte rof seconds as more xenomorphs just seemed to materialize out of the walls. "FALL BACK!" rimmer squeaked. He rushed down a hall, the others following. an alien jumpe don one of the fleeing pople and pulled him into a vent. his innerd ssplatted out of the vent as he screame din fear. "Shit!" one of the canaries shouted. He fired his bazuoid back, and took off a xenomorphs head! "this way!" Kochanski said a sshe made a left turn. there wer eonly six of them left. and the sixth was Jerdin. He had been falsely acused of the others ran through a door, he close dit as he came through. Rimmer gasped and banged his head on a wall. "look at me! theres blood over this suit! it wasnt even nic elooknig to begin with!" Cat shouted.

"shut up cat! we gott do something!" Lister said. They were near a water tank. rimme rgrumbled. Kochanski spoke up. "Our best be tis to try and find another group, and stick together." There was a general nodding of heads.

"Well, i think i'm going back to the tank to cower in my bunk!" rmemr said. he ha donly taken a single step, when the vent behind his feet broke open! two black clawed hands grabbed his ankles and pulled him back. rimmer's screams continued as he wa spulled farther through the vent.


	5. Chapter 5

**CHAPTER 5**

Cat grinned. "hey, things are starting to look up!" He said.

"Were going after him." kochanski said a she moved for the vent. Lister went kind of pale. "but my..."

"Look Lister, we need all the help we can get!" Lister nodded and lifted his bazukoid. Jerdin also held a bazukoid in front of him and followed Lister down the vent. everyone slowly began to follow.

--

"put me down now!" Rimmer said as he was dragged through the vent by two aliens. one of them hissed in his face. he felt drowsy. from behind him he heard kryten shouting, "Rimmer sir!" rimmer looked over his shoulder.

"HELP!!!" He almost shrieked. Lister came around the corner and fired at one of the xenomorphs. the shot missed and exploded part of the vent. the Aliens made a turn and continued to rush down the hall. Lister tried to keep up, but they were too fast. soon, they lost them. "smegging hell!" Lister punched the wall. his claustrophobia began to take effect. he slumped against a wall. "come on Dave, we gotta keep moving. they left dents, we can still follow them." Kochanski said as she patted his shoulder. Lister lifted his bazukoid and continued down. "i'll guard our six." Jerdin said. he began walking backwards, aiming his weapon down the hall. Lister made 2 left turns, and a right turn. the others behind him. up ahead, an opening was in view. they came to a stop and aimed around the edge. inside they could hear screams...rimmers screams.

Lister stepped out onto the chtin that the aliens secreted. Jerdin came out and turned to the others. Kryten looked around, his psi-scan bleeping. "sirs? we have a signal of 3, coming this way!" Lister whirled and aimed the light on his bazukoid upwards. he saw movement, but it darted behind a pipe. Lister aimed at that pipe and fired a shot. steam came flying out of it, and a spider-like creature came flying down! Jerdin looked up and it suddenly flew on his face, its long tail wrapping around his neck. he grabbed at it and tried to pull it way. Lister grabbed its tail and pulled. jerdin fell down and began kicking his legs. "Get it off him!" Lister shouted. cat came down and gripped its legs and pulled. The tail came loose. Lister brought the face hugger up and threw it a ways off. Kochanski's shotgun let off a loud bang, and the creature exploded.

"GUYS HELP ME!!!" rimmer shouted form farther inside. Lister began running. "sir! wait!" Kryten said as he followed. Lister rounded a corner and came face-to-face with one of the sleek black aliens. it opened its mouth and launched its second jaw at him! Lister barely turned, its still caught his ear. Lister yelled and shot bis bazukoid into it, causing it to die in a spray of acid. Jerdin came up, turned, and fired his own bazukoid. Another alien dropped form the roof and hit the floor. Lister was sweating by this point. he turned and continued to jog down the black, chitinated halls.

--

Rimmer was thrown against a wall. and pinned there. the two aliens began to salivate. and as it fell, it began to solidify. "shit..." rimmer said in deep, almost yawning voice. he passed out. he knew he had only been out a few minutes when he awoke. however, he was pinned to the wall by slowly blackening, slimy chitin. He tried to break free. too strong. as he looked around he could see aliens on the walls, sleeping. He grunted as he wriggled his hand through one of the holes. that's when he saw it. one of the leathery eggs was infront of him. it opened. "CAT JERDIN! SOMEONE! ANYONE! HEEEEELP!" he screamed. Lister and the others heard this shout and followed it. rimmer turned his head, and the spider like creature crawled form the egg. It leaped. Rimmer kept his mouth tightly shut. the creature landed on his head, and, using its tail, turned to his front.

He felt the mouth like appendage pushing against his closed mouth. it was breaking through! he heard an explosion, but saw nothing. muffled voices, the sound of bazukoid fire. a shotgun, inhuman shrieks. and shouting. His mouth was forced open and the creature gave him what one could nly describe as a makeout session. his air supply was cut. he passed out.

--

Lister blasted down another alien. that was the last of them. He saw rimmer and ran up. "rimmer man!" He grabbed the tail and yanked on it. He couldn't get it off of his throat. Kryten ran up and also gripped the tail and helped pull. jerdin held his bazukoid ready. Lister pulled for another hard moment, and removed the facehugger. "ready!?" He asked. jerdin nodded and readied his bazukoid. Lister tossed the face hugger to a crate, and jerdin blasted it. a little, slimy egg was on Rimmers cheek. Lister grabbed it and threw it on the ground. Cat, and kryten. pulled Rimmer down from the wall. he coughed and woke up. "you alright man?" Lister asked.

"torn of my dignity but absolutely peachy." rimmer mumbled. Lister helped him up. Rimmer looked at the egg and kicked it. "here you go." Kochanski said a she handed rimmer his machine they turned to run, they heard a loud clank. they turned slowly. a four armed, large headed, alien slowly stepped out of the darkness. there were signs of recent detachment form the, what Rimmer assumed was its ass. Rimmer squeaked. "Smegging hell!" Lister said, and began to run for the vent. the others followed quickly. the alien gave chase. Lister turned, and running backwards, fired his bazukoid. the shot hit, but no effect. the massive creature smashed a crate to one side and continued to chase after them. Kryten looked over his shoulder. "OH Y GOD! ITS GOING TO KILL US!" He screamed.

"WE KNOW!!!" Rimmer shouted. Cat saw a crate with a sign that said. "danger. explosives" Cat turned, and just as the big alien got to it, cat fired. the shot hit, and the crate exploded. The large alien shrieked and collapsed to the side. Lister pulled out a grenade, primed it, and threw it. They turned and kept running. The large alien got to its feet, and roared. Rimmer looked to one side. A normal alien jumped at him. He pulled the trigger, and the aliens head cracked and exploded. Acid flew out and hit Jerdins arm. Jerdin fell. The large alien charged. "jerdin!" Kochanski shouted. he looked up, and screamed. the large aliens foot came down on him, crunching most of the bones in his body! He couldn't move, and more aliens were closing in!

"RUN!" Rimmer said. the vent was n sight now. Lister blasted an alien out of his way and began to climb into it. He turned and began to help the others in. As cat climbed in, lister felt him being pulled back! he grabbed cats hand and began to pull. Cat screamed and tried not to let go, but his grip was loosening. kryten came up and grabed cats hand, followed by kochanski. Cat came through without a shoe. the large alien began to pound at the vent, trying to get in. Lister nodded to the others. "come on. back to the tank. and they quickly proceeded away from the large alien, and back to the tank.


End file.
